Play The Hand You've Been Dealt

 Bloom where you are planted. 

Minister where you are at. 

Play the hand you’ve been dealt. 

 

These are all different versions of the sentiment Joe and I have lived by in our years of ministry and even in our lives before we were together.  

 

The mantra has served us well and has gotten us through some tough times but also through some exciting times.  It has gotten us through the ordinary, the extraordinary, the good and the bad and the moments that were a little bit of both.  

 

As I mentioned before we are living the little bit of both right now.  My growing belly and our countdown to July is so exciting (and also a bit scary).  We are looking forward to welcoming “peanut” into our lives.  Peter is looking forward to being a big brother and has even committed to helping change diapers.  

 

At the same time, we are getting into better routines with Peter and his visual impartment.  We recently completed his IEP (individualized education plan) and he will be receiving Braille and Orientation and Mobility training in school and also some during the summer.   He now has a white cane, Peter named “marshmallow” that helps him see and navigate the world.  He has an aid that helps him throughout the day and is his eyes at school.  She has been a real blessing to our family and to Peter.  

 

We are getting used to being his eyes and learning to describe things in a way that is most helpful to him.  We narrate what we are seeing or what we what want him to understand and “see” about what is happening around him.  We are also discovering some of the parenting benefits of having a kiddo who can’t see; like we can have conversations with gestures or hide things in plain sight and he doesn’t even know it.  

 

I won’t lie some days it is exhausting.  Sometimes I get frustrated with myself and my lack of patience, or impatient with trying to give step by step instructions for something that would require no description a few months ago.  Sometimes my heart breaks at the fact that my sweet first born son may never know what his little brother looks like.  We try hard not to make everything about his diminishing (well at this point diminished) vision.  He is still a 6 year old boy with big plans for his birthday coming up.  He still has big plans for his future.  For the most part we have been able to figure out how to do the things he wants to do.  It may look different, it may take longer, but we don’t want eyes that don’t function to define him.  

We have an appointment with a Retina Specialist May 12^th.  While we are hopeful that there will be an answer, a known diagnosis, we are also trying to keep our expectations in line.  We fully know we could go through the tests and leave with no more answers than we came with.  Either way the sun will set and rise again.  Peter will still love to tell jokes and have dance parties.

 

While my blogs lately have been centered around Peter and Peanut.  I am enjoying being a pastor in a way I didn’t think I would.  Sure, there are overwhelming and stressful days.  I am learning to juggle roles and responsibilities, sometimes all the balls are in the air no problem and other times all the balls are bouncing on the ground instead of gliding through the air.  That would be true no matter what ministry I was part of or job I had.  

 

Someone recently asked us if we missed South Africa and we do but we are also enjoying settling into our home, lives and community here.  God is good even if life doesn’t look like what we thought it would.  God is good even though the future is uncertain and sometimes filled with question marks.  God is good when my sweet boy’s eyes are filled with smiles and the sound of his laughter is in the air.  God is good when tears fill his eyes and frustration colors his words.  God is good when my rainbow baby moves in my womb and God is good when pregnancy insomnia keeps me up at night.  God is good, period.  And God helps us to bloom where we are, God helps us play with what we are dealt, and minister where we are; and for that we are grateful.  

 

Until next time:  Remember, when you are a boy mom sometimes you have to learn to just roll with conversations about and sounds of burps and farts and other bodily functions, because if you do you may just hear the sound of his giggle.  

 

 

Where Joy and Sorrow Meet

 When you are a kid you think that adult life is so grand, or at least I did.  But now that I am squarely in the middle of adulthood I am realizing that life as an adult is a moments of joy and sorrow sometimes within the same moment.  

I was also under the misconception in my younger years that mountaintop moments and deep valley moments happened at some distance from each other.  That there were a number of steps between sorrow and joy.  I have learned in my adult years that is not true.  

 

Our family is currently walking a journey of joy and sorrow.  We are anxiously and excitedly waiting for the arrival of our baby in July.  Our journey to Heath party of four has been filled with unknowns, waiting, and sorrow.  With each passing month we grow more confident that we will be able to hold this blessing in our arms.  We have a scan at the end of the month to find out if we will be split evenly boys and girls or if the boys are going to continue to dominate and it will be 3 to 1 boys to girls.  Peter wants a brother, Joe and I want a baby.  We are making plans and dreaming dreams.  We are prayerful and hopeful about what the future holds.  

 

At the same time, our sweet, kind, resilient, fun-loving, 6 year old boy has progressively over the last 7 months lost most of his vision.  His vision has gone from needing glasses to be corrected, to his glasses being something he wears to protect his eyes but not really correct his vision.  His hands and his ears have now become his main tools and senses to see the world.  He has retinal degeneration.  His vision is now 20/350 and 20/600 and continues to worsen.  At a Low Vision Doctor appointment we were given a drawing of both his retina’s.  The area of his retina that is functioning is the size of the tip of my pinky on a 8.5 x 11 picture of a normal retina.   There seems to be no cure to what is happening and no real answers as to why and if/when things will go completely dark.  He can still see some, things just need to magnified (like times 16) and the lighting needs to be bright (read 3000 Lumens).  Somedays he can see more than others.  A few months ago he could see some of my facial features (my ears, my mouth sometimes) now most days he cannot.  

 

He will be learning Braille in school, he will be receiving mobility and orientation training.  He will likely add a white cane to his way of seeing the world.  Joe and I learning to navigate parenting Peter in a way that helps him feel secure in the midst of an ever changing situation.  We are trying to parent him in a way that Peter doesn’t see his vision loss as something that will hinder him.  While he may not get to live his dream of being a monster truck driver (a dream that was not all that likely even fully sighted); he can still be an author, a scientist, a cook, a builder, and a soccer player.  It may look different, it may take some tools that other do not use but it is possible.  It is my goal that I hear my little boy giggle and laugh each day.  Even though his eyes don’t function properly they still light up when his smile is genuine and real.  We do not want to allow Peter’s vision problems to take away from his childhood, his happiness, his joy.   

 

Even in the midst of an unknown future, diagnosis, and prognosis; we are still grateful.  Peter is otherwise healthy.  We can still hear the sound of his laugh.  He is not in pain (except when he bumps into things or people he didn’t see.) Other friends do not have that same luxury or blessing.  While his vision fading he is a growing boy with no other major health issues.  Other friends cannot make the same claim.  So while we struggle at times to know how to best navigate this new world we are in, with things like IEPs, Braille, ABLE accounts, and such, we are also thankful to hear the sound of Peters laughter, hear him playing the piano, or drumming on just about any surface.  We are living in a time where moments of joy and sorrow meet regularly.   

 

Adulthood, parenthood, ministry, and life are not always easy.  But we were not promised easy.  We were promised presence.  And we are have felt God’s presence with us this entire journey.  In the moments of joy and in the moments of sorrow; in the moments of fear and in the moments of relief; in the moments of laughter and in the moments of tears, He has been there with us.  

 

Say a prayer for us as we navigate these next few months.   Our families, our church family and the school have also been very helpful in this journey.  But there is still a lot to be figured out.  

 

Until next time – There are some benefits to your 6 year old not seeing so well.  The toy aisle at Walmart is a lot easier to get through now. J

Two weeks notice

 There is a song that was popular when I was in high school called “Closing Time.”

  

There is a line in that song that has been running through my head lately.  The line says, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.”  This sums up well where we are right now.  In two weeks times we will no longer be missionaries.  One week from today we will be leaving the temporary (read two month stretched into a year) home in Tullahoma, TN, and starting a new adventure in Loudonville, Ohio.  

There are so many emotions wrapped up in those three transitions.  There is a Daniel Tiger episode with a song that we have sang often in these days “Sometimes you feel two feelings (or 100) at the same time and that’s ok.”  Joy, Worry, Happiness, Sadness, Greif Grief because of the dreams for the future that will not happen, Hope for the new things God is going to do in and through us, Excitement to invest deeply into a local church community and the surrounding community, Sadness for the communities we are leaving behind.   Excitement due to the fact that for the first time in years our home address, residential address, mailing address, permanent address, shipping address, billing address, and the address on our drivers will all be the SAME (well once we go to the Ohio DMV and do all the necessary paperwork which is less exciting.) J   

This week we will spend the week packing up again.  We will be packing the things we have acquired over the last year as well as the things we brought back with us from South Africa.  Our shipment is still in South Africa waiting for other partial shipments to join it so it can make a full shipment and journey across the ocean.  We have enjoyed finding awesome deals on things on Facebook marketplace.  Joe and Peter have been working on several pallet projects (a Lego Shelf, a planter box and a shoe rack).  Peter calls Saturdays Pancake and Yard Sale day, as most Saturday mornings we are out checking out what the yard/garage sales have to offer.  We have scored several good finds (like snow pants for Peter) and of course Peter has found all sorts of things he can’t live without.  J Thankfully we are able to walk away with nothing if we don’t see anything we don’t really need (some of us do a better job of it than others.)  

This past year has looked nothing like we had planned/envisioned/dreamed/thought it would.  And we have no idea what the next year will look like.  And that’s ok, most of the time.  When it is not ok, we are able to remind ourselves of all the ways God has provided for us and how He has walked with us the entire journey and be grateful for that.  

These next two weeks we also celebrate Joe and Peter’s birthdays.  Joe’s birthday will be the our last Sunday at the Church that has loved us and cared for us during our time here.  And Peter’s birthday will be our first Sunday at our new church.  Since both of the days are going to be full of things other than celebrating Peter and Joe, we are going to celebrate them on different days. J

If you think of it/us in the next few weeks say a prayer for us.  

Pray that we would say our goodbyes well.  That we would be present in the moment we are in and enjoy the time we have with the people where we are.  

Pray that we would begin well in our new place and for the new friendships we will build.  

Pray specifically for Peter, that he would quickly find a friend or two to make this transition easier for him.  (We already know how far of a drive it is from our house to the community pool and community library.  Peter will be asking to go to both before we unload the truck probably.)  

Pray for safe and easy travels and safe and easy moves.  

Pray for peace, grace, patience and strength for Joe and I as we embark on a new journey and shift roles a bit in our ministry and home life.  

 

Home

Tonight is the last night in our home in South Africa.  This fact is something I am still struggling to wrap my head around.  Tomorrow we leave to return to the country Joe and I called home 7 years ago.  Currently when we say home still in our minds we are referring to this house that I sit in now.  I know the country we are returning to will become home again but this home we made in South Africa will always be home as well. 

 

This is the place where we have had our most joyous moments as a couple and our deepest sorrows as a family.  This is the place where we learned more about doing ministry as a team and where we learned to be parents.  This is the place where we invited people into, not just into our home but into our lives.  This is the place where we comforted each other when life’s struggles were overwhelming. 

 

On this last night that we will sleep here I am scrolling through my to do list as well as so many memories of the last 7 years.  The first time we walked through the doors exhausted from a long journey but excited to be in our new home.  I remember the first time we hosted someone in our home.  I remember finding out we were pregnant.  I remember the first day we brought Peter home.  I remember comforting each other when we found out that we had lost a baby (twice).  I remember celebrating Peter’s first words, steps, other milestones.  So many memories are packed into this place that is now in closing stages of being packed up and ready for whomever will next call this place home.  

 

When I look around this place I can recall countless memories, some good, some bad, some silly, some frustrating, some ordinary, and some extraordinary.  I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I won’t see Peter running up the stairs again or sitting in his little rocking chair, I won’t make brownies for anyone in the kitchen, or read Peter a bedtime story in his room upstairs.  After tomorrow this place will no longer be our home, these rooms will no longer be our rooms.  Even as the sorrow of this fact washes over me, the reassurance that the same God that was with us when we moved here, has been with us every day for the last seven years and will be with us wherever the journey leads us. 

 

Tomorrow we step away from what we know and we continue to take steps of faith towards what we do not know.  Even as we are going, I know who is walking with us, leading and guiding us.  I also know that someday in the not too distant future (hopefully) I will be sitting and writing another blog from the new place we will come to consider home.  From the new place that will hold our memories, laughter, tears, and our stuff.  This new place will have whispers of our South African home throughout as will our lives.  South Africa and the ministry we had the privilege to be a part of and the people we had the privilege to work alongside of, to come know and love will forever be a part of us and of who we are.  The last 7 years of our lives will continue to shape the next 7 years.  And this home and the memories will help us form our next home and the memories for the next 7 years.  

 

So tomorrow when our family boards the plane we will leave a piece of us here and we will take a piece of here, there.   If you think of it say a prayer for us and especially for Peter as we say our goodbyes and leave this place that is home. 

Heath Family Update - Transition ahead.

There is a saying that “things never turn out quite the way you plan them in your head.”  Well 2020 turned out nothing like we planned it in our head.  When we boarded the plane in South Africa to fly to the USA at the end of February we fully expected to be returning to our home and ministries at the beginning of June.  Little did we know how the COVID-19 virus would change our world and our lives.  The USA started shutting down and then South Africa closed its borders and our wait began.  Passports and Visas, which can already be quite the task to obtain suddenly became impossible to even apply for.  As weeks turned into months and the months are a month shy of turning into a year, we waited, we watched, we prayed, and we have continued to fulfill our roles as much as we could from a distance.   Throughout the time of waiting God has been faithful, He has provided a place to stay, food on the table, a vehicle to drive, time with our immediate family, extended family, adopted family and our church families.  We have made amazing memories during these days.  

 

God has also been working and moving in our lives.  Recently we began to feel more and more unsettled.  Whenever we have been asked how long we would stay in South Africa our answer has always been until God leads us somewhere else.  There has never been a time limit.  However we began to sense that God was leading us to stay and to find ministries and community here in the United States.  We talked about it, prayed about it, talked and prayed some more and then agreed we would apply for an Associate Pastor positions that I saw that I felt might be a good fit and see how God lead.  That position did not end up working out but we were overwhelmed with a peace that only God could give about transitioning away from South Africa to the US.  After more prayer and conversation we decided to start the process of transitioning back to the states and notifying our ministry leaders and colleagues in South Africa and in the Global Church.  

 

We are sadden to be stepping away from our home and ministry since 2014.  We do not have any clear answers of where or when we will be transitioning and we still have more questions than answers but we continue to feel an overwhelming sense of peace that could only come from God in continuing on this new path.  At some point we will travel back to South Africa to pack up and sell our things as well as to be able to greet our friends and ministry partners.  We continue to apply for Associate Pastor positions in the areas of Discipleship, Connections, Community/Small Groups, Mentoring, or Outreach.  We do not know where God will lead but we know that He is walking with us and preparing the way for us.  

 

Please pray with us as we make this transition and seek to follow where God is leading us.  Pray that we have wisdom, discernment and patience.  For those in the Nazarene Church, let us know if your church is looking for an Associate Pastor in Discipleship, Connections, Community/Small Groups, Mentoring, or Outreach.  Pray for Peter as he makes this transition and has lots of questions that we have no answers to.  We know that God will lead us and provide for us, as He has already done in so many ways. 

We wanted to take a moment to thank you for your love and support over our time as missionaries.  We have been blessed to cross paths with so many wonderful people.  Thank you for being a part of our lives and ministries.  

Bloom where you are planted.

Life currently does not look anything like what we thought it would.  We should be in the midst of our second Work and Witness team after returning home from the US.  This was to be a busy year for W&W teams and for travel.  All those things are now canceled.  We still have no idea when Peter’s passport will be returned and when we will be able to apply for his Visa.  Some days that is overwhelming and hard.  Other days we are able to focus on the positives and find joy in the everyday moments. I have been reminded again and again to bloom where you are planted and make the most of the moment you are in. 

Peter finally was able to go to a local park and play.  We go to the local library every Monday and Friday to pick up a craft pack that they give out based on a book that they have read aloud on Facebook.  Peter took swimming lessons and is a little fish who doesn’t always remember to kick.  He is getting closer and closer to riding a two-wheel bike.  It is important even in times of waiting to make memories and grow. 

 

Peter celebrated his 5^th birthday and had a fun party with a couple friends here.  He was also so well-loved on by friends and family and now has a wall filled with cards and pictures from around the world.  A couple of days after his birthday he asked if his next birthday was next week.  J

We have been able to serve as a family with a ministry through one of the Nazarene churches in the area.  They sort, package, and hand out food to over 600 families each week.  On Tuesdays, our family is able to go and sort the food together.  On Wednesday Joe is able to help pass out the food.  Joe has also been able to help the local church that has blessed us with the home we are living in, with a couple of projects.   Being able to serve others is not something that can only happen in a certain country, setting, or zip code. 

We like many others continue to have lots of Zoom meetings and Whatsapp calls.  Thankfully technology allows us to do a lot from afar.  Emails find you wherever you are in the world.  J

Peter really wanted to plant a garden and so we bought a few tomato seedlings and he choose sunflower seeds and carrot seeds.  We have planted them and already they are starting to sprout and grow.  We do not know if we will get to see them bloom or not, but Peter is enjoying taking care of them and watching them grow.  Those plants for me are a reminder to bloom where you are planted.  We never really know how long we are going to be in a place, or when something will come along and change everything, however that shouldn’t prevent us from putting down roots, it should not prevent us from trying to grow and blossom right where we are at the moment. 

I don’t know where you are at the moment.  I do know that most of us have been affected by COVID-19.  There are lots of questions, there is lots of unrest, whether it be because of the virus, the racial tensions, unemployment, or other reasons, but even in the midst of that, God is calling us to rest in Him and to grow and bloom wherever we are. 

Until next time: If you really want your 5-year-old to listen to you, whisper, if you don’t want them to listen at all say their name and give a direct and clear command.  This has been proven in various settings and with various commands. 

Today we should be going home....

Today we were supposed to be going home. 

If 2020 had been anything close to normal, then today would be filled with finish packing, enjoying family time and last taste of our favorite American things.  Then we would board a plane for the long ride back to South Africa.  However, 2020 has not been normal and we have no idea when we will be able to board a plane and return to the place we call home.  Peter routinely asks, “when are we going home?”   We don’t have an answer for him.  We have applied for Peter’s Passport when we arrived in the beginning of March, but have been told to expect significant delays before we receive it.  Once we receive it we have to apply for his South African Visa.  Even if we had his passport we would not be able to apply for his Visa because the South African Consulates are closed.  So we wait.  We have relocated from Shawnee, Kansas to Tullahoma, Tennessee.  We are blessed by a Nazarene Church who is allowing us to live in a house that they currently own.  We will be here until the beginning of August.  Then we will reevaluate where we are in regards to documents and assess what travel is being allowed and steps forward. 

We have spoken in a few services since the Shelter in Place/Stay at Home orders started but mostly our days are filled with keeping an active preschooler entertained with times for emails, whatsapps, zoom meetings and so forth mixed in.  Beth is also continuing to study towards a Doctorate in Community Care and Counseling.  Joe has been able to help friends out with some construction projects.   This Home Assignment will be one we do not soon forget. 

Things are beginning to lift and we have enjoyed being able to check out a few thrift stores and garage sales.  Peter is pretty good about keeping his mask on.   Peter is eagerly awaiting the day when the libraries and playgrounds/parks open back up. 

June is a busy month of celebration in the Heath household.  We were looking forward to celebrating in South Africa but are adjusting our plans and thinking of fun ways to celebrate Joe and Peter’s birthdays where we are.  It is hard to believe that in less than two weeks we will have a 5-year-old.   

Joe and Peter’s birthday will be nothing like what we thought they would be but we are together and we be able to celebrate the blessing of another year together.