Mom, it has been just shy of a year since we said our earthly goodbyes. In some ways, it seems like yesterday. I still occasionally reach for my phone to tell you about some silly thing Jacob or Peter did. Jacob still asks where you are and that he misses you. Jacob was grandmas boy, your little man. We have almost used all the things in your freezer, except for the cubed ham and cheese. I think we have one more Bath & Body Works soap to use. A question came up recently before my brain remembered I thought I will ask mom…
We miss you, we miss all the little and big ways you cared for us, supported us, loved us, and prayed for us.
Dad is doing okay. He is finding his new rhythms and routines. He misses your cooking and the many ways you cared for him and loved him. He only uses the microwave or the grill to cook. We make sure to load up with leftovers for him to freeze and eat when he needs them. He has a flip phone now…it still frustrates him. He has a one-person camper that he has enjoyed getting set up just like he wants it. He is quieter now, but he is figuring out how to be himself without you. Dad kept your phone and sometimes calls or messages us Ray or I. Neither of us can change the name in our phone. The other day I was trying to reach dad and called your phone, I didn’t hang up before it went to voicemail and hearing your voice was both a punch to the gut and soothing to hear.
Our boys are another year older. We have figured out how to do life and ministry without you, but it is not always easy. I knew you and dad made our lives easier but didn’t realize how much. Jacob has enjoyed preschool but given the option I know he would choose grandma preschool. This week, was going to be a full week but then Jacob got sick and we had to shift things around. It made me miss you more.
Peter wrote another book. We will miss you at his book signing. He competed in the Regional Special Olympics and got silver and bronze. He continues to remain stable with only small regression, for that we are so grateful. He misses making muffins and cookies with you. He misses staying the night at your house and enjoying cinnamon rolls in the morning. He is getting so tall, and the man he might become is beginning to emerge. He got all A’s on his report card several times this year. He continues to work hard in life and jumps for joy.
Jacob is potty trained, he can count to ten, and he is getting better at knowing the letters of his name. He loves hanging up the pictures and crafts he worked on. He is still the very best at pushing my buttons and continues to do things his own way. He still loves going to Grandpas house and going to the basement. He still picks dandelions for Grandpa. His end-of-year preschool program is this Friday. You would be proud of him. He still ask for you and continues to ask about heaven.
Mother’s Day will be strange without you. Celebrating Mother’s Day without you doesn’t seem right. Mother’s Day 2025 was the last holiday we celebrated together. You taught me how to be a mom, how to point your children to Jesus, how to serve your family and the church. I am who I am in part because of you. Without you I would not be me. You are not forgotten, you are loved, you are missed, and you live on in the hearts and memories of those who loved you and were loved by you.
I understand longing for heaven in a different way now. I look forward to being with you again. But at the same time I want to see my boys grow up. I am sorry for the times I didn’t listen or got impatient with a story.
I love you and I miss you. Happy Mother’s Day I am sure the flowers on the streets of gold are better than anything we could have given you.
Forever your daughter.
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